a sad day in Wienermobile history

I love this vehicle.

When my daughter was much younger, I took her on an excursion to see the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. I had always wondered whether or not I would be lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time to see it. So off we went when I spotted a blurb in the paper giving the date (July 26, 1997) and location (a Baltimore strip mall).

I did a little interviewing of the (young) driver/spokesperson, and it turns out there are six of them! It’s a fiberglass wiener built onto a Chevy van chassis. They hire college kids every summer to drive them around and be cheerful and garner more publicity. He was grumbling about how little he was paid, and how uncomfortable it was inside the Wiener. However, if you look at the website for the Wienermobile, you’d think one would be riding in mustard splattered luxury!

Here’s an article (and photo) I ran across while reading the news online -

An Oscar Meyer Wienermobile crashed into the home and outdoor deck of Nick Krupp in Racine, Wis. on Friday morning, July 17, 2009. According to a witness, the vehicle was parked in the driveway. The driver lurched the vehicle forward instead of backing out of the driveway, hitting Krupp’s deck and cracking the foundation of his house.

(AP Photo/Journal Times, Tom McCauley)

I’m sure this is not the type of publicity Kraft had in mine. The local Hazmat team showed up as it was rumored to be leaking fluids because of the crash, but, alas, it was only condiments. A sad day . . .

gilmark

telephone stuff

Can someone explain to me why the phone company charges $5 per month to keep your name OUT of the phonebook? I don’t get this at all, and you could explain this to me a thousand times, and I still won’t get it. I promise.

Cell phones are such a pain. I refuse to wear one of those holders that attach to your belt. I keep my phone in my pocket. Consequently, many times when I bend over to pick something up, or tie my shoes, the camera button is triggered and I can hear the ‘click’, knowing that I’ve just taken a picture of the inside of my pocket.

They are great pictures, each one an exact duplicate of the others. Pitch black. Here’s one of the pictures -

I also don’t care to learn how to remove them from the phone’s “My Pics” section, so I turn the phone over to a 24 year old tech-savvy guy who works for me, and he deletes them for me every once in a while. He says my records for stored ‘photos’ is 94.

When I picked this phone out at the phone store (what a concept), I asked the clerk if I could get a phone without a camera. He seemed stunned, then composed himself and told me no. He must have thought I was crazy; who doesn’t want a camera on their phone? I don’t want a phone on my camera either.

Life in the Northeast – Rhode Island version

I just had my first robin sighting of the year. It looked a bit scruffy, and took off before I could snap a picture. Below is a stock photo of a robin, in case you don’t know what I writing about.

Spring is near.

camo cell towers

Last week, while driving through New Jersey, I was finally able to get a picture of this camouflaged cell phone tower.

These are the most ridiculous things. They are ramrod straight, “pruned” into who-knows-what shape, and are the size of Sequoias, which dwarf any real trees in the vicinity. Oh, and they are evergreens (!), and look so out of place in the winter months in the middle of a deciduous forest devoid of foliage. Here’s one in New Hampshire that makes for a great, romantic sunset.

These towers are starting to cover the continent; I’ve seen them up and down the east coast, from Virginia to Massachusetts. Check out this site on disguised cell towers; you’ll see a bunch in California that are pruned a bit better than the ones I’ve seen.

But still ridiculous.

gilmark

Idling in Connecticut

I found this sign at a rest stop while driving through Connecticut. I thought it was a bit strange, as I can’t imagine any state police officer driving by and taking a stopwatch to your car, especially as their own vehicle is idling. (They are probably covered under (b)(3)(C)(iii).) I was just going to post the photo of the sign, but thought I’d better include the regulations in case you are ever idling your vehicle in CT. Now you’ll have no excuses; if stopped in CT for excessive idling, just pull out your laptop with wireless connection, get to this blog, and you’ll have all the answers and excuses you’ll need to avoid a citation. Good luck.

This document contains the Connecticut regulations for the abatement of air pollution with the recently adopted revisions to the regulations that became effective April, 1, 2004.
Section 22a-174-18. Control of particulate matter and visible emissions.
(b) Visible emission standards.
(3) Mobile sources. Except as provided in subsection (j) of this section, no person shall cause or allow:
(C) A mobile source to operate for more than three (3) consecutive minutes when such mobile source is not in motion, except as follows:
(i) When a mobile source is forced to remain motionless because of traffic conditions or mechanical difficulties over which the operator has no control,
(ii) When it is necessary to operate defrosting, heating or cooling equipment to ensure the safety or health of the driver or passengers,
(iii) When it is necessary to operate auxiliary equipment that is located in or on the mobile source to accomplish the intended use of the mobile source,
(iv) To bring the mobile source to the manufacturer’s recommended operating temperature,
(v) When the outdoor temperature is below twenty degrees fahrenheit (20 degrees F),
(vi) When the mobile source is undergoing maintenance that requires such mobile source be operated for more than three (3) consecutive minutes, or
(vii) When a mobile source is in queue to be inspected by U.S. military
personnel prior to gaining access to a U.S. military installation.

Be informed!

gilmark

baseball and uniforms

I’d like to poll the readers (all five or you) about something I’ve thought about for years. It has to do with baseball.

Baseball is the only sport in which the manager and coaches of the team wear the same uniform as the players. With the exception of Connie Mack and Burt Shotton way back when, this hasn’t changed at all, and probably won’t.  One reason may be that baseball could be the only sport where the manager and coaches are allowed onto the field of play.

Typically the managers and coaches are much older than the players, and certainly not in the same physical condition. Sometimes they are in the 60-70 age group, overweight and gimping around from an old injury. Sometimes they are in their 50-60 age group, overweight and gimping around from an old injury. You get the picture.

This practice has roots in baseball going back to the 19th century, when a player/coach could insert himself into the lineup whenever he wanted, and didn’t have to change clothes in the middle of the game. He started the game as manager, ready to play whenever he thought he could do a better job than any of the players on the field. The last player/manager I can remember was Pete Rose at the end of his career with the Cincinnati Reds, 1984-86.

I shouldn’t complain too much about this, as I am so used to it that it really doesn’t bother me when I’m watching a game. It’s still a strange practice, and I just laugh and imagine what other sports would look like if coaches wore the same clothing as the players. Imagine a swim coach, way past his/her swimming prime, wearing a racing suit; a football coach in pads and a helmet; or a gangly, 6′7″, overweight basketball coach in shorts and a tanktop.

gilmark

gravity

I have figured out how gravity works. The key components are weather and newspaper delivery. After extensive research and advanced mathematical formulas which are difficult to reproduce, and of course, now copyrighted, here is my theory . . .

newspaper atop the Trylon at 1939-40 New York World

When the weather is sunny, warm, pleasant, clear, or otherwise perfect, any newspaper delivery guy can toss a paper out of his car and it stops falling, landing on top of a mailbox, on top of a rock, or in a tree. Somehow it just never gravitates to the ground, where it should end up, given the generally accepted theory of gravity postulated by Sir Isaac Newton. Gravity just does not work with newspapers on such beautiful days.

In my research, I found an obscure reference about a newspaper perched on top of the Trylon at the 1939-40 New York World’s Fair. And that structure was approximately 700 feet tall!

Note that it was an incredibly clear day. I used Photoshop to enlarge the newspaper, because it was just a speck in the picture. Trust me, this is an actual photo.

When it’s raining, or during a heavy snowfall, Newton’s theory is good, but slightly flawed. A newspaper thrown from a moving vehicle on a bad weather day actually takes Newton’s theory one step further. It actually gravitates to the deepest depression in the vicinity, sucked down towards the earth’s center, seemingly trying to get to the core. Furthermore, it absorbs water at a rate 60-80 times its weight. (That’s the next research project.) Here’s an example -

newspaper in a puddle

My research began over 20 years ago, when I first tried to dry out a soaked Sunday edition of the NY Times. I’m not sure how long Newton took to formulate his theory, but he has received far more credit than he deserved.

gilmark

today is not going well

After waking up this morning, I groggily walked into a door. Getting in the car to go to work, I managed to bump, more like smash, my head on the door frame. At work, I really banged my head on a steel beam. Came home from work hungry for lunch, got something out the refrigerator, stood up and banged my head on the top freezer door.

I was going to get the ladder out and work on the house, but there’s a message here for me, and I now have on my bike helmet and I have just taken a break from reading on the couch. I think I’ll stay there, maybe watch a movie for a change of pace. I might take it off for a shower later on today, but I’m not so sure about that.

irrational fears

#1- dropping my keys through a sewer grate, into the sewer, never seeing them again; I give myself about six feet of clearance and walk around them.

#2 – driving behind a Jerr-Dan flat bed tow truck, with the angled ramp at the tail end, only to have it stop suddenly and I can’t, turning my car into a convertible; I usually slow down and let another car get in between.

#3 – opening the door to the dishwasher, pulling the  rack out to air dry the dishes, and falling on the knives in the utensil tray; I should put the knives point down, but I just can’t do it.

#4 – another driving fear – following an auto transport tractor trailer on the highway, then the ramps are extended and drag behind the trailer, I drive onto the ramps, speed up in a panic, then go up and over the trailer and fly off in front of the tractor; I try to pass them, or see #2.

random thoughts

This might seem trite to some, but I have to write this stuff down because there aren’t many people I can talk to about this. Well, maybe none who would stick around and listen until I am finished talking. . .

In order of importance to my taste buds, my favorite nuts are pistachios, hazelnuts (filberts), almonds, and pecans. Following a bit back of those top three are peanuts and cashews, then walnuts, then Brazil nuts, which I’ll only eat if none of the others are available and I’ve had a few beers. Pine nuts are good if roasted before adding them to a salad. When eating any nuts in mass quantities, it’s always a downer when I get a bad nut. I can eat 300 in a row that are good, then one bad one and I’m done and I need to rinse out my mouth, brush my teeth and get out the Listerine and bleach.

Way back when, the first website I looked at on the web was a site having something to do with  “Men who eat over the sink.” At the time, I thought the web was both hilarious and potentially really, really dumb. Not much has changed since that day many years ago.

Today I found out that George Jones died on September 27th. George Jones wrote the song “Rama Lama Ding Dong” in the late 50s. I must have been 7 or 8 years old when I first heard it, and I remember laughing for a long time. My parents thought it was incredibly bad. I think I liked it because I was born listening to Frank Sinatra, Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Tony Bennett, and all things jazz. Jazz was on 24 hours a day in our house. I still love it. But looking back, I must have enjoyed it because my parents hated it. Kind of like my daughter playing rap and hip-hop, which I now hate. Generational musical rebellion.

Do you remember Joe Izusu? David Leisure was the actor/comedian who did the Izusu commercials in the 1980s. I believe this was about the same time that Jon Lovitz introduced Tommy Flanagan, the pathological liar character on Saturday Night Live. I think the Joe Izusu ad campaign took its inspiration from the Lovitz character. What I’m getting at here is that I think the pharmaceutical ads should take a step back and quit being so serious. I really want to see Joe Izusu doing commercials for erectile dysfunction drugs, or Tommy Flanagan pitching anti-depression drugs. Imagine the ensuing conversations between patients and physicians.

Yeah, that’s the ticket!